Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
