then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
sex in a hospital.. check
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
