by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
