He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize