talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
this is an emotional support booty call
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
