If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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