Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
