oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
