I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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