I'm lost and stupid without you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
