Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
