oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
