i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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