Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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