Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
