There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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