I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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