six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
