Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
