It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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