if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
These tits shall not be calmed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
