I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
