I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
