1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
