her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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