I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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