So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
