My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
