ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
