i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
