I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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