DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
