he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize