so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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