It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
