question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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