There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
