So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
