I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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