i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
