Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Michael Bay diarrhea
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
