I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
