i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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