i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
