Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
