How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
