Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
