Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
