I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it's like iHOP with fire
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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