just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
