So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize