I will die if light touches me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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