R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
