She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize