The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
