My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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