I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
