she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
