before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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