I will die if light touches me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
