I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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