I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize