You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
