I think scott just propositioned me for sex
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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