you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
