I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
