Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
