is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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