If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
