I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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